Successful and Happy. How to be?
- Joao Tiago Santos
- Sep 12, 2019
- 6 min read
A simple guide to focus your energy where it matters to achieve a Happy and Successful Life.
"Do you spend your time tracking Kim Kardashian's life or chasing your personal fulfilment?"
In people’s lives there are only several categories that really matter. Most people are major in minor things, they focus in things of low importance to their life. They know more about the celebrity life than about their own personal development.
Are you focusing your energy where it matters? Do you spend your time tracking Kim Kardashian's life or chasing your personal fulfilment?
The main categories of unfulfillment amongst people arise around: health, emotions, relationships, time, career/business, spirituality and money.
"You don’t want to be the richest man on the graveyard."
Physic or Health.
If you look at your body, everything else is not that relevant. You don’t want to be the richest man on the graveyard.
If there is energy, vitality and strength in you and your body it’s going to show up in your relationships, it’s going to show up in your work, it’s going to show up in your business, it’s going to show up in your life. That’s why it is important that you master it. You can’t just take it superficially. It’s too important.
Emotions.
Emotions are everything. You can have a ton of money, plenty of people around you that love you, but you are pissed off and frustrated all the time, so you will have a pissed off and frustrated life. It doesn’t matter how much money you have or how many people like you on Instagram or Facebook - your life is not great if your emotions are not in the right place.
Relationships.
For most people it’s where the most juice in life comes from but at the same time the most pain comes from too. It’s worth mastering it in life, giving it the right importance.
Time.
Focusing on what are you going to do with your time it’s another really important category. It’s not about being active all the time and ticking irrelevant things off your ‘to do’ list, mistaking movement for achievement. You have to make the most of the time that matters and create value for you and for everyone that you care and love. Apply your time where it matters and where is creating biggest impact.
Career or Business.
Most people just don’t care enough about it and it’s a massive part of their life. To put it into perspective only 4% of businesses make it over a 10-year period of time, that doesn’t even mean that there are profitable or even that they are enjoying themselves.
Money.
This is a very important subject which shouldn’t be the goal itself, but if money is not an object in your life, you can be, do and give as much as you want and you are not stressed about it, you live in a place of abundance.
Spirituality.
You don’t have to believe spiritually but ultimately whatever you believe you have to live it and that should definitely lead to Grow and Giving. If you are growing, you feel alive if you are giving you feel 10x more alive.
"when was the last time you sat down and thought about managing your emotions?"
These are the areas that most people should focus on and try to master in life, as they are major sources of unfulfillment. Yet, when was the last time you sat down and thought about managing your emotions?
These are the areas in life that matter the most. However, where people spend their time doesn’t make them feel fulfilled. That’s why an average person is not fit and healthy, it’s not successful in business, it’s not in a relationship that brings them massive joy and it’s not earning what they think they should be earning.
"These are the people that we want to learn from... because success leaves traces."
On the other hand, a few people have all of those things, they are happy, are financially strong, have great relationships, they have a career that fulfils them, or their business is growing.
So, these are the people that we want to learn from and take their examples and apply them to YOU, because success leaves traces.
How do you identify which categories and their development will make you happy? In order to do that you need to address a concept called ‘values’. Values will serve as a filter to benchmark each of the previously mentioned categories and see how much energy and focus you should give to each of them. This will give you directions and focus. Unless you have values then you might be focusing your energy where it doesn’t matter in terms of your fulfilment.
LET’S TALK ABOUT VALUES.
"Something really important is that everyone is going to measure themselves differently, because everyone values things differently."
Something really important is that everyone is going to measure themselves differently, because everyone values things differently.
Some people value success or significance, some people value love more, some people value just basic levels of certainty. Unless you identify which things are of highest importance to you, it will be difficult for you to make choices that are major source of fulfilment.
“What are the things that I need to be measuring to know if my life is going to work or not?”.
So, what should you focus on in your life?
The easiest way to think about it is, “What are the things that I need to be measuring to know if my life is going to work or not?”.
That can be the base to create some sort of metric.
What are the targets that you are after?
The target is, everybody has different goals, dreams or desires but there are around six human needs that we all have in common. The same needs.
Those needs can be broken down:
We all have a need for Certainty or Security, where we can avoid pain and have some pleasure and comfort in life.
Some people have certainty at the top of their priorities, “I don’t want to do anything unless I know it’s going to work”, “I don’t want to do anything unless it’s the same”, if you change anything they freak out. If certainty is on your top list, you will have a very specific destination in your life and it’s predictable where you want to go to some extent.
We all need Uncertainty or Variety in our life’s otherwise you will feel dead inside.
The need for Significance, to feel unique, special, important, the need to feel loved, the need to grow and the need to contribute.
Some people are driven by Love first, even if you want certainty too but love is more important for you – you will behave differently.
The other two values that people focus on is Growth and Contribution.
"You have to see, which of those needs are the top two on your list because they absolutely control your life."
You have to see, which of those needs are the top two on your list because they absolutely control your life. Unless you identify what drives you and makes your boat float, it’s so hard to make decisions that will make you happy inside.
Most people focus on being significant – we live in a world of Facebook and Instagram, where people fake their life, use filters and make it look different than what it really is. They tell stories which only goal is to make them look good. We live in this false world where significance is more important than love. And it separates us.
The other one that we see most often is certainty. People want to be certain before they do something.
You can’t start a business if you are absolutely certain before you started. You can never build a business with that, you can’t build great relationship because if it’s based on certainty and everyone is going to stay the same and never change, you are never going to grow which means you are going to be miserable.
Let’s find out what’s driving you, let’s find out if it’s healthy or unhealthy. You can have two people driven by significance and do it with a different set of rules, rules are beliefs on how to fulfil that target.
Can you identify which ones you should focus on and which ones have you been subconsciously prioritising?
To get a balance, we have to figure that out which one of this you need more as a person. But remember that everyone develops a different set of values in life, and they are not right or wrong, they are what makes you happy.
“An extraordinary life is a life on your terms”.
I like this sentence and I absolutely agree with it, “An extraordinary life is a life on your terms”.
If you feel that you need some help and support from a professional coach to support you on your journey for fulfilment, make the right decision and get in contact with me, I would love to help you and support you along the way. Contact me on coaching@be2xl.com or go to the webpage www.be2xl.com and click ‘Services’ for more information.
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